drop dead jerkwad

Days left to vote: 11

2010-03-14T16:41:00.001-07:00

can you believe the sex wars poll has almost reached its end???

hey 2

2010-03-14T01:59:00.000-08:00

” I only knew you for a while

I never saw your smile

‘Til it was time to go

Time to go away (time to go away)

Sometimes it’s hard to recognise

Love comes as a surprise

And it’s too late

It’s just too late to stay

Too late to stay

We’ll always be together

However far it seems

(Love never ends)

We’ll always be together

Together in Electric Dreams

Because the friendship that you gave

Has taught me to be brave

No matter where I go I’ll never find a better prize

(Find a better prize)

Though you’re miles and miles away

I see you every day I dont have to try

I just close my eyes I close my eyes

We’ll always be together

However far it seems

(Love never ends)

We’ll always be together

Together in Electric Dreams

[Guitar Solo]

We’ll always be together

However far it seems

(Love never ends)

We’ll always be together

Together in Electric Dreams

We’ll always be together

However far it seems

(Love never ends)

We’ll always be together

Together in Electric Dreams.”

hey

2010-03-11T10:58:00.000-08:00

FUCK MAC AND CHEESE

2010-03-04T15:00:00.000-08:00

I HATE MAC AND CHEESE because i ate half the dish and i thought ok, i'm finished, but then i was like "perhaps a bit more" and now i'm sitting here feeling like absolute shit. like there is a mac and cheese monster in my gut making me regret all of my decisions.

i got a hair cut too and when i left the salon i was really upset because i was 90% sure i looked like rachel green (friends). i smoked like 90 cigs and kept stopping in front of reflective surfaces so i could stare at myself. i was looking at myself outside of a laundry mat and eventually a man came out and was like "may i help you" and i was like "oh i've just dropped something..." then i rushed off. it was terrible. so when i got home i looked in the mirror for a LONG TIME and decided it's actually better than i thought and not rachel-y. thank god for that

oh man i feel so shitty. i'm not ever eating mac and cheese again. uuuugggggggggg

i am going to go sit in the toilet for awhile

brown sauce

2010-03-02T03:12:00.000-08:00

dear sophie-

what's your favourite brand of brown sauce? is it:

love lizzie

i'm a psycho

2010-02-23T22:47:00.000-08:00

i smoked and ate so much fucking salsa, then i really wanted to thank the salsa company so i wrote them an email explaining how i felt about their product. i am hoping to get some free salsa out of this.

however i now have a terrible stomach ache and i considered sending a follow up email updating them on my indigestion, but i've decided to sleep instead.

i'm going to have bad salsa dreams i can tell

benicio del toro (43%)

2010-02-22T07:55:00.001-08:00

i hope you're having fun in budapest! nyc is cold, windy, and i'm pretty sure it's going to start raining soon. geez aren't those the ingredients for a fun night! i'm buying a new digital camera today so when you get here i can document our travels and turn them into a coffee table book. i am serious about this

i watched face/off the other day and nic cage was amazing as usual.

hhhhhhhhhh

2010-02-16T16:32:00.001-08:00

i was sitting in bed thinking only 37 days left of the sex wars poll, how we made that poll almost a year ago and now we've got to make a new one and i was thinkin... wonder what poll i can do... and then i thought... i will be in new york with sophie when that happens! we can chose one together!! ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2010-02-12T13:48:00.000-08:00

its my birthday

BDT

2010-02-07T15:54:00.000-08:00

i feel slightly suspicious about the sudden rise in benicio del toro's score on the sexwars....

on the other hand...

Tonight I was telling some people about awake dreaming, even though its kind of embarrassing but IDC, and I was like "and it's weird cos we both do THE SAME THING" and they were like it isn't really the same thing if Sophie's awake dream is about riding around Italy on a motorcycle with Benicio del Toro and yours is about you are pregnant and you get stabbed and I was like "IT IS THE SAME THING" at the end everybody gets to be amorous

shitty

2010-02-01T10:02:00.000-08:00

today has been really horrible. here is a list:

i hate everyone who works at fed ex. i gave the guy the envelope with the address on it and he asks "where is this going?" i don't know, dude, maybe to the address on the packing slip i just gave you??? could that possibly be it????
my lips are so chapped and i have NO CHAPSTICK at all. i searched everywhere. i'm so pissed off today
the cat has been sleeping on top of a cardboard box that i thought was empty. today when i got home he came to see me at the door, the box slid off of where it was sitting and smashed on the floor. it was a $300 piece of le creuset. SO MAD

other than that, i have been working every day and then going to sleep crazy early. i filed my taxes yesterday and if i get back all the money the lady predicted, i would have enough to go on holiday aka go visit you in london (or we could go somewhere tropical or something)

when you get here i'd like to go to a really fancy dinner as our belated christmas/holiday celebration (and then get wasted)

i've drank too much of this

2010-01-28T20:28:00.000-08:00

2010-01-27T13:18:00.000-08:00

my hair is dirty

2010-01-26T11:10:00.000-08:00

i'm almost at the point in my depression where it's time to get over shit and sort myself out

ALMOST but not quite

i hate dogs

2010-01-25T08:06:00.001-08:00

THERE ARE FUCKING DOGS HAVING A DOG FIGHT ON MY STREET I CAN HEAR THEM FOR LIKE 45 MINS NOW WTF WHY DOESN'T SOMEONE MAKE THEM SHUT UP

breakfast

2010-01-23T18:07:00.000-08:00

I'm in love with you!

So what?

So what? So plenty! I love you, you belong to me!

No, people don't belong to people

Of course they do!

Nobody's going to put me in a cage

I want to love you!

It's the same thing!

No it's not!

deal

2010-01-23T05:31:00.000-08:00

the answer

2010-01-21T15:36:00.001-08:00

if you're wondering what it's like to have a bit of glass stuck in your finger for a very long time, the answer is it's terrible and it won't come out

the dude

2010-01-21T03:40:00.000-08:00

What do you do for recreation?

Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback

2010-01-20T21:48:00.001-08:00

i feel very dead inside

beer shits

2010-01-18T03:49:00.000-08:00

oh my god what the hell was i thinking going out for drinks when i had to wake up 7am the next day? i am a fucking alcohol zombie right now. i feel like crap.

i'm so upset about this horse buying situation. i've often wished i came from wealth before but i've never wanted money more than i do right now. i hate this feeling!

horse things

2010-01-17T05:03:00.000-08:00

i love looking at pictures of food. this girl on flickr posts the greatest food photos:

so i went to visit the horse i want to buy and the horse school. the drive there and the drive back were insane. the horse is perfect, i don't know if i can afford her though. i've become obsessed with the idea of buying her and bringing her with me to school. she was absolutely amazing - the sweetest horse i've met since the last time i was in love with a horse (the last horses i loved were: Dot, a leopard appaloosa mare, and Sancho, a blanket appaloosa gelding with a bent ear). i tried to explain loving a horse like it's your child or your best friend to my mother and father but they don't get it, they never have. trying to explain the connection to non-horse people is always really difficult, and it's weirder cause my moms an animal lover and she still doesn't understand

anywho, the school is amazing but incredibly expensive. the careers i'd be going for have great job placement percentages and the average money you make is really surprising. i thought getting into this industry would leave me without a moneymaking job, totally bankrupt (the school part is going to wipe me out) but i'm pretty excited about it now. i spoke to the director of the school about how i'm really into rescue and she said that there isn't a lot of money to be made there but it's a great thing to do... ya

a 12 case of beer is like $9 and i think cigs were only $5/6. i should have stocked up but the journey was too traumatizing

other than that nothing is up. i am saving all my money and pretty much doing nothing every night. god i am sorry this is so boring & long, but that just gives you a minor taste of my life

boo boo

2010-01-16T17:21:00.000-08:00

I'm having another hangover day. Law & Order is so good.

i just blue myself

2010-01-13T11:39:00.000-08:00

tobias funke, analrapist

i ride the greyhound bus, i ride it everywhere

2010-01-13T06:41:00.000-08:00

my mom and the dog did chat roulette with me yesterday:
going to visit horse school and the horse i want to buy are truly happening. did you know a greyhound bus to where i'm going takes up to 11 HOURS not including traffic? how could a bus take longer than a car ride? i guess all the stops it makes, or do they even make stops?

time to fill out paperwork

lol

2010-01-10T22:42:00.000-08:00

hello

2010-01-09T22:09:00.001-08:00

this is me right now, unable to fall asleep even though i have to work from 7am until 3pm tomorrow. every thing about today has been shitty aside from the sandwich i had earlier.

goddddd

iron and wine beard vs. bonnie prince billy beard

2010-01-09T16:14:00.000-08:00

ice hockey

2010-01-09T15:58:00.001-08:00

sophie i was in a pub today called the coach and horses and i was facing the huge television and the ice hockey was on, it was someone vs new york rangers and i couldn't pay attention to conversation, i was watching the television, imagining myself at a hockey game. i didn't see anyone with any foam fingers, which made me upset, but I saw some people drinking beer out of plastic cups so that's pretty good. and i saw some fighting. i'm happy

hi world

2010-01-09T13:29:00.000-08:00

i think tonight i am going to go out and quit being an anti-social weirdo

lizzie

2010-01-08T18:34:00.000-08:00

devendra banhart: 7 (38%)

i'm loling. every time i look at that i think of how that percentage should say 100% you

also on the video chat someone french came up and said "OH MY GOD, WHAT A MESS" while looking at me. judgmental.

i saw this photo and thought, "no you're not, colin firth, i've been in the closet all along"

OH MY GOD

2010-01-08T18:31:00.000-08:00

I FORGOT TO MENTION THIS -

yesterday they were shooting law & order on my street directly outside the door
the door to the dressing/makeup trailer was open

and there was jeff goldblum with his skinny legs, wearing all black and drinking a bottled beverage

that really happened. i stood there for awhile in my doorway probably looking a bit unhinged before i snapped out of it and went on my way.

~ fin ~

hello

2010-01-08T18:12:00.000-08:00

isn't this guys head shaped almost 100% like a square
the eyes are blocked out so he can be saved the shame of being publicly recognized for his shapely cranium

lizzie malkmus

2010-01-07T16:56:00.000-08:00

oooOOOooo

2010-01-07T16:13:00.000-08:00

HOW TO ACT AT A HOCKEY GAME

aww no sailor talk :((

vanilla sky

2010-01-06T22:18:00.001-08:00

unfortunately, it means nothing

sovereign bank sucks

2010-01-05T17:46:00.000-08:00

i had an account with this bank for a long time. over the summer i lost my bag and had to close the account. i told the bank lady over the phone AS I CANCELLED IT that my bag was stolen and any charges stemming from dates after i'd lost it were not from me, she said that was fine and closed my account.

apparently she'd lied and now they've sent a debt collection agency after me for what i believe to be a $80 charge that i am not resposible for. i am 90% sure that most of that $90 is from someone overdrafting the account, and because they're overdraft fees which sovshit is notorious for being horrible about, i somehow dount this will get resolved. the debt collection agency simply tells me to get in to contact with the bank, which i will be doing tonight.

i'm so mad, and if i don't get the fee settled by the 8th they're going to say i refuse to settle a debt or something and it will mess with my credit.

wtf sovereign bank?

hey

2010-01-05T15:23:00.000-08:00

sophie we need to make new pictures for the top of the page do you reckon, i'm sick of seeing dicks and son of dork

dear sophie

2010-01-05T06:15:00.000-08:00

do you remember this day in 2006? we are in a pub in camden, a guy told me i had hat hair and i got upset. memories.

niccageaseveryone

2010-01-04T21:17:00.000-08:00

http://niccageaseveryone.blogspot.com/

amazing

dear god

2010-01-03T14:22:00.000-08:00

if you exist please can you kill me and reincarnate me as a pair of ryan adams' jeans
thx

i'm three months from new york city and i'm three months from you

2010-01-02T16:07:00.000-08:00

these are a list of things i will like to do in new york when i go for a holiday there:

eat a meal on a plane
sleep on a plane
be collected at the airport
eat a cheese and egg bagel from earth matters
bring the following things home to my housemates: count chocular, almond m&ms, a NYC snow globe & shot glass, cheese in a can, cinnamon flavour toothpaste
go to a sport game
drink a manhattan
have dinner at red bamboo
have dinner at mama's
go to coney island, take photo of myself there, put it as my profile picture
visit sophie at work if she has to go in to work whilst i'm there, sit in the lobby
watch the food network whilst eating food
go over to a boy in a bar and say "is it hot in here or is it you"
take the bus to baltimore, knock on the door to charm city cakes and ask if we can eat the offcuts and geoff
kiss a boy from in a bar
ride the subway
go to some thrift stores and buy shit
ride in a taxi
see some of the people who i used to know and see if they remember me
get photo booth photos every single day
try to find a place i can eat a baked potato
eat the following things in a diner: pancakes, waffle, oatmeal, eggs (not all in same sitting)
in a diner have my coffee refilled as many times as i feel like
get stoned, go to a diner, order loads of toast and eggs that are fried, scrambled, poached, boiled omelette, sunny side, over easy, etc and just sit there all day eating eggs and reading books
bring sophie the following: brown sauce, london souvenir tat, some other secret presents
see ten, miss my own cat
listen to the they might be giants song ALL THE TIME
buy duty free cigarettes and vanilla stoli on the plane and consume them when i get there

more later when i think of them1!!!!

new years

2009-12-31T11:32:00.001-08:00

new years eve isn't terrible

talking in my sleep

2009-12-29T08:22:00.000-08:00

last night i was talking in my sleep so much that i woke myself up. it was really weird. i can't remember any of my dream except the end, when i'd just gotten a phone and i was answering a call and i kept going "hello? hello? hello?" etc, and then i woke up in the middle of actually saying hello in this weird voice. it was extremely weird

once when i was little i was having a dream that i'd been invited to a tea party. everything was pink and all of the teapots and cups and scones were piled up on top of each other in the middle of the table. i reached for a teapot and as my hand went around the handle i woke up with my arm stretched out in front of me holding on to nothing. that too was equally weird

it's very cold today. there's a draft from my window that creates a legitimate breeze in my room. i need to get new windows. other than that everything is average, my flu has reached a level of normality and i've decided to venture out of the house to go buy a new phone, since apparently mine is rejecting calls as it sees fit?

does this make sense or does it sound like someone trying to get out of not calling - someone is supposed to call, but they never do, however you receive two texts from them. later when you ask why they didn't call they say it goes straight to voicemail. if the texts went through obviously the phone is working, right?? am i crazy????

i'm going to go eat a bagel and try not to be depressed over additional things today

the flu

2009-12-27T21:21:00.000-08:00

so i have the flu right now and it is kicking my ass. it's completely horrible. i haven't been sick like this for a long time so i forgot how terrible it is. though it's nice not feeling guilty about sitting in bed all day. i've got a fever and i can't seem to keep it down. i ate some ice cream because that supposedly helps bring it down but i still feel like i'm in a weird arctic sauna. i had the craziest fever dream last night but i can't seem to remember most of it. i should have written it down when i got up.

other than that everything is the same. my life is just that dull. the only real update is i need to get a new phone as my nokia is really nearing the end of its days. i want a blackberry so badly but i know there's no reason for me to have one. i don't even really know why i want one. i was watching the thick of it and that show is blatant with the blackberry product placement, but it worked since i ended up wanting one even more.

ate too much cheese

2009-12-23T16:04:00.000-08:00

had a dream last night that i was sitting on my sofa watching a film on the tele and my entire dream was just the film that i was watching and i remember it really clearly like what their names were and what they were wearing etc, the film was a cross between matilda and a spy film, like she built all these underground tunnels and had all these disguises and all the dream just kept cutting back to me sitting there watching it. wish all my dreams were like that.

miaow

2009-12-15T10:28:00.000-08:00

http://melaughsmeeyes.blogspot.com

feel a bit like this after ATP

2009-12-14T16:06:00.001-08:00

it's gross outside

2009-12-09T07:16:00.001-08:00

i'm starting my job today and it's terrible outside, i mean like pissing down ice cold rain that comes at you sideways so umbrellas are rendered useless. figures the weather would be absolutely shit the first day i've got to go and do work. GOD I AM SO ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE

i haven't even had time to eat because instead of being productive i sat here on the computer like a piece of shit

brb killing myself

BURRITO DREAM

2009-12-08T04:11:00.000-08:00

"Dreaming about burritos symbolizes possibilities. If you dream of eating one, you're off to a fresh start in your life. If you dream of eating lots of them all at once, it means you are procrastinating or making excuses about something. If you leave a burrito half-eaten in your dream, you may have problems moving forward with conviction. The spicier the burrito ingredients are, the greater the chance your flexibility will soon be tested. To dream of a gigantic burrito suggests that you have an inflated opinion of yourself or someone else."

fiddle

2009-12-08T02:25:00.001-08:00

every time i get on a new computer at university i come to drop dead jerkwad and vote for sex with devendra from new IP addresses, i've fiddled it so he's the sexiest. winnnn

ho ho ho

2009-12-08T02:22:00.000-08:00

SKETCHYSANTAS.COM

horse shit

2009-12-06T17:24:00.000-08:00

isn't that so beautiful? the reason i am posting this is because i need advice:

there's this horse school where, basically, you learn about horses up and down and potentially become a certified trainer. i've known about the school for awhile but earlier i watched this interview where the man in the above video was being interviewed with his horse and it just made me so happy and a bit jealous. he trained his horse and loved on it and like, in the another video right after he finds out his score for the test he kisses his horse and says thank you AND IT MAKES ME CRY! i am retarded

anyway the cost of the school is really expensive, ideally i'd want to do a 72 week course. they break it up into segments, and i think the total cost would be $22,736.00 + $100 deposit.

i'd want to learn dressage and teaching.

The Dressage major can cover work from Training Level through Grand Prix. The emphasis at all levels is to develop a supple, relaxed, flexible, obedient horse and a strong, coordinated, balanced rider with a deep and secure seat. Dressage movements covered include turns on forehand and haunches, counter-canter, transitions, half-pass, lengthening, single flying changes and changes in series, pirouette in canter, piaffe, and passage. An in depth study of the mental attitude of both the horse and rider is emphasized.

also

This course introduces the beginning teacher to practical skills necessary for effective teaching. Students are introduced to the main concepts of Educational Psychology and Philosophy. Skills developed include those related to good communication, planning for instruction, and providing for effective teaching and learning. Students are given opportunities to observe and analyze practicing teachers. They learn to organize and plan lessons for various riding disciplines and/or content areas they will be teaching. Additionally, students begin to develop a professional portfolio including their own philosophy of education, this process continues throughout the Teaching courses.

what do you think? if i went to this school, i'd be riding every day and learning important horse stuff that could potentially allow me to have a real career in horses. plus this would make it realistic AND possible for me to own my own and learn on my own horse.

good night

2009-12-06T16:32:00.000-08:00

that was such an epic hangover day. i woke up at about midday, came downstairs, sat down on the sofa and stayed there for 12 hours. i ate a lot of crap and watched loads of animal hospital and black books. i wish all days could be like this. now i'm falling asleep. good night.

ODE TO MY PLIMSOLLS

2009-12-04T05:54:00.000-08:00

ODE TO MY PLIMSOLLS by Lizzie

We met in China Town New York September 2006
You cost a glorious six dollars
At first I thought you were "just OK"
Pretty soon we were inseparable
You kept my feet dry in Washington and Baltimore
I ran around on you in Texas
Made love wearing you in Paris
Danced with you at ATP
Lolled on the beach with you in Croatia
Drank sangria with you in Barcelona
I never wanted it to end
But one day we were walking to the shops on an overcast day
I felt my toe become wet
I expect this from other shoes, converse perhaps, but not you, NOT YOU
I took you for granted
Threw you in the washing machine too many times without a second thought
Now your left side has a crack on the sole
And the right one a hole in the toe
I was angry, my feet were wet and this made me miserable
After that we saw less and less of each other
I was scared to be close to you in case it rained
You were living a pointless plimsoll existence on my shoe rack
A hole in the toe is plimsoll cancer
ebay said I should put you out of your misery
This morning a new pair came
White and clean and new, firm soles
They will replace you on my feet but never in my heart

In memory of my old plimsolls September 2006 - December 2009
Gone but not forgotten

head in the oven

2009-12-03T11:51:00.000-08:00

i hate everything that is going on right now. absolutely NOTHING is working out for me. new york is slowly killing me and sending me straight to hell. the only thing that makes me happy right now is eating and the fact my frog follows my hand around the tank, and gets excited when he sees me. he might have a brain the size of a pebble but him, the cat and the dog are the only ones who seem to get excited over me. the cat is 50/50 though, he's a bit of a bitch most of the time

i like this

2009-12-02T18:59:00.000-08:00

craig is my favorite late night show host

this other video makes me laugh EVERY TIME like i have to wipe the laughter tears from my eyes

hey

2009-12-02T16:42:00.000-08:00

sophie does your mouth ever start salivating when you think about smoking cigs?

ugh

2009-11-26T00:06:00.000-08:00

tomorrow is thanksgiving, well today actually as it's 3:06am as i type this. i'm in bed with rollers in my hair and i can't get in a comfortable position as i've not ever slept in rollers before. they're the foam kind and they're pink. i took a photo to illustrate but i look like a crackhead so i won't post it. i hope they make my hair all nice and full of volume because otherwise i'll be really mad i slept painfully for nothing

earlier i had to walk the dog but i didn't want to take the curlers out so i put a knitted hat on and a hood. it was obvious there was something up under the hood/hat combo but i walked the dog anyway like a champ

i really want to go shopping but i can't since i have no money. it's a real shame because there are a lot of things on the market right now that i would fork over cash for. i hope i get a job soon, if i don't i'm just going to be forced to pack all the essentials into a large bag and just travel around like a pretty hobo grifter

oh my god i've been awake for so long i'm starting to get hungry, ok i'm going to try and sleep. goodnight.

wikipedia page for Gaius Valerius Catullus

2009-11-25T10:20:00.000-08:00

The term pedicare is a transitive verb, meaning to "insert one's penis into another person's anus"

The term irrumare is likewise a transitive verb, meaning to "insert one's penis into another person's mouth for suckling"

The word molliculi refers to Catullus' verses and means "soft and tender little verses", as in love poetry. However, mollis can also mean "effeminate fellator", as well as "soft" in the sense of "flaccid penis". Likewise, parum pudicum refers to Catullus, and can mean "wanton" or "fellator". Thus, in explicit modern English, the pun suggests that "just because my verses are little and soft, doesn't mean that I'm the same, that I'm some hussy cock-sucker who can't get it up".

hahah

2009-11-24T19:24:00.000-08:00

lol i saw this and thought of whisker du

right on

2009-11-24T16:35:00.000-08:00

i am debbie downer

2009-11-23T14:39:00.000-08:00

hi it's a new day and i'm equally if not more miserable than i was yesterday. life has slapped me in the face again. funny how that works. it's like the quote from office space -
"So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."

seriously.

other than that, i am wearing foam curlers in my hair to give it more waves and volume. i hope it works and i don't end up looking like a retarded 80s reject.

tonight i have really big plans:

i'm thinking of a) taking a nap or b) crying until i feel better about myself (this never seems to work) or the dreaded c) which is i suppose i could go out and try to make new friends, however i am afraid to do so as i have no social skills and i also don't know where one goes to make friends. the bar crowd isn't exactly what i'm looking for, especially since i can't get into anywhere decent until my birthday comes.

i have thought about going to a book store and being like "oh that book looks good" and trying to chat that way but i worry i'd come off as a lunatic. i also thought about going to a coffee shop but i don't know how i'd chat with people there, "is that regular or decaf? mine is french vanilla, it's a large. i put in two sugars... want to be friends?"

what else? oh yeah MY BIRTHDAY IS IN LIKE TWO MONTHS! CONGRATULATIONS TO ME! it'd be a lot nicer if it was literally around the corner though, so this gives me something new to whine about

holly jolly day

2009-11-22T19:49:00.000-08:00

so i've been sitting here today trying to find someone to hang out with. i asked everyone in my phone book if they'd like to do something but either a) they didn't answer or b) they are busy. apparently all of my friends have dried up and i am not desirable as a companion, leaving me in sire straits.

i'm going to get dressed and spend my sunday going out on a walk and smoking cigarettes. i'll probably get a huge cup of coffee somewhere along the way. my life is reminding me of an episode of sex and the city where miranda (red head) is home alone with her cat and she chokes on a piece of chinese food. if i choke on something, who will save me? i'll have to do self CPR by throwing myself on the edge of the bath tub

things i want:

sex, a really nice book and some chocolate chip pancakes. THANK YOU.

album's i want to listen to whilst driving in a car in california (if i do go)

2009-11-21T05:30:00.001-08:00

Paul Simon - Graceland

Dire Straits - Brothers In Arms

Madonna - True Blue

Hefner - The Fidelity Wars

Stevie Nicks - Bella Donna

Elton John - Rocket Man

thinking of some more now

worzel

2009-11-20T19:20:00.000-08:00

my electricity key ran out this morning when i was taking a shower (electric shower) all of a sudden the water stopped and i was in pitch black, it was at a crucial part of the shower when i was putting on shampoo, i thought i was going to die, i had to rinse my hair under a cold tap. there's nothing you can do without electricity, you can't even make tea or go on the internet. it took me forever to find a shop that would top it up and by the time i got home i already looked like this

so i just went with it for the rest of the day oh well. i'll do something tomorrow.

i'm a val i know

2009-11-19T17:40:00.000-08:00

these are a list of things i will like to do in california if i go for a holiday there:

eat a meal on a plane
sleep on a plane
drive in a car (as a passenger)
go to a motel with a neon sign and watch the television
get to 2nd or 3rd base with jansson (at least) probably i should find out what that means first
drink a beer with a glass that has a handle
go to a hockey game
eat a baked potato at a steak house
visit jansson at work, see the meeting area and mail room
watch a dvd
make out in the motel
wear a headscarf in the car and listen to graceland by paul simon and brothers in arms by dire straits
take photographs and put them on facebook
ask people what's arnold schwarzenegger like in real life
send a postcard to my housemates and my sister and my mum
think about my cat
go to a drive through
wear a crop top
get a sun tan
make friends with a val girl, ask if they've seen the nicolas cage film, ask if they've heard the frank zappa song
get drunk and cry
try to meet a member of either deftones, !!!, cake or papa roach and get my photo taken with them, put it as my profile picture
refer to something as being bitchin
go to a drive-in movie
go to lombard street
go to a 7-eleven get some nacho cheese
buy a snow globe and a shot glass for my collection
have a coke float

will probably add more as i think of them. i'll probably make this in to a physical list before i go and then actually tick them off as i go along.

don't look back in anger

2009-11-19T10:45:00.000-08:00

Devendra Banhart - Don't look back in anger

i'd rather jack

2009-11-08T12:37:00.000-08:00

jag

2009-11-04T17:23:00.001-08:00

That rug's over two hundred years old.

dear Sophie

2009-11-01T15:46:00.000-08:00

I just found flights to New York during my easter holiday next year for £240. Will you be living there then??

poop

2009-10-28T17:29:00.001-07:00

i really have the worst luck ever. i think i have to do some work with the elderly or something to up my karma because at this point with the way things have been going i really think i was a murderer in a past life.

i'm sitting with this kitten feeling gross. ughhhhhhh

if i could turn back time

2009-10-22T07:56:00.000-07:00

actually

2009-10-18T16:07:00.000-07:00

this man

2009-10-17T16:54:00.000-07:00

"I have never had homosexual relationships or even fantasies. But I dream about having sexing with this man all the time. I must admit he has a lot of imagination and he pleases me. Sometimes when I wake up I discover I have had a nocturnal emission."

texas

2009-10-17T16:48:00.001-07:00

i am going to texas on tuesday for a horse job! i am so excited.
the one really bad thing is that over the summer my bag was stolen and i lost my passport. so on monday i've got to go to the dmv and hope they give me a photo id in the same day. pray for me.
i'm going to get my own horse to ride, train and compete. i am so, so happy.

hairy potter

2009-10-17T10:18:00.001-07:00

sophie

2009-10-04T15:36:00.000-07:00

sophie i need you, i am losing my mind...

i am a hypochondriac

2009-09-27T13:30:00.000-07:00

bolded are the swine flu symptoms i currently have:

fever, which is usually high, but unlike seasonal flu, is sometimes absent
cough
runny nose or stuffy nose
sore throat
body aches
headache
chills
fatigue or tiredness, which can be extreme
diarrhea and vomiting, sometimes, but more commonly seen than with seasonal flu

it is 90% likely these symptoms are related to alcohol and the fact i'm on my period, however i am 10% scared of swine flu.

unrelated but the dog has developed an annoying habit of pulling dirty clothes out of the laundry bag and spreading them out so he can lay on them. it is INCREDIBLY annoying and also kind of gross because the dog currently smells like a mixture of dirty clothes, dust and old people.

i want to open your door and love you til you're sore

2009-09-26T06:34:00.000-07:00

porn

2009-09-24T16:15:00.000-07:00

I just discovered that you can buy pornos on Amazon and then I also discovered that you can review pornos on Amazon, so this is a selection of some of my favourite reviews of pornos on Amazon:

Love Those Boobs Big Bad & Bare
DON'T WASTE YOUR MONEY!!!!! This DVD is just a tease video of women bathing, showering, and changing clothes.
-Artic_33 "Artic" (Whitwell, TN United States)

Girls Gone Wild: Best Breasts Ever
The video is very well edited and full of amazing tits, young and old alike. I fully recommend this video to anyone who is a fan of large beautiful boobs on real girls. I especially enjoyed the segments where there was extended conversations with the photographer.
- GemKB (Worcester, Mass)

Sweet Satisfaction Kobe Lee (featuring Miss Nude North America)
Many a hot time to be had here. I've been lookin for a video like this for a long time. Girls in tiny skirts, tiny dresses and tiny thongs showing everything; it's a site to see! The girls here are the kind you would spot shopping at gadzooks or A&F at the mall causing you to do a double take when they walk past. This dvd is girl watching at it's best!
- Johnny Law

Slam Bang Cheerleader Challenge
I would have rated higher, if it were not for the constant talking of the owner of the company while trying to watch the girls. Half way through the show, (HE)the owner of the company makes an on screen apearence, a real downer! also the flash photograpy going on in the back ground was very distracting.
- J. Nelson (The OC, USA)

hitchcock kind of morning

2009-06-01T04:07:00.000-07:00

Well I saved a female blackbird's life last night and now the birds are communicating with me. I heard that Fleetwood had caught a bird at about 2am, so I went in to the garden and released it and threw the cat inside. But then! At 6am when I let Fleetwood out, straight away the boy and girl blackbird started to attack! One was swooping and flying at her and the other was hopping up and down flapping its wings. Fleetwood was totally spooked, she hid under the barbeque til I rescued her. Then once I brought her back inside, the birds stopped screaming and one of them winked at me, not even kidding. I was wondering if that dead sparrow that I found was actually a baby blackbird. She is trying to get the whole family. Now I'm sitting in my pyjamas waiting for the postman to come, I hope that he's bought the new collar that I ordered for Fleetwood. If he hasn't I'm emailed the ebay seller and telling them how they are directly responsible for the death of two birds.

a day off school

2009-05-28T06:57:00.001-07:00

woke up this morning with a dead sparrow in my bed, not much blood but lots of feathers. called sarah who thought it was immensly sexual. i put it in a rough trade bag and then i wasn't sure if it should go in garden waste or regular waste. it should break down and make some nice compost. then i sat in bed for ages writing a poem about the sparrow and why i feel partially responsible because i didn't put a collar on my cat etc. now i'm gonna go get my yearly six quid haircut at mr. toppers. some people pay sixty quid for a haircut!! suckers. i'm also going to get waxed at a place called "beauty by josephine" do you think that is a bad idea? it says "pamper yourself come and have a relaxing beauty treatment (within rita's hair salon)" i have a feeling its a horrible idea but oh well. then i'm going to go to the fishmonger and get some crab sticks for whisker du who is having her fallopian tubes removed today :(((((((
i'm moving to stoke newington in 13 days!! i'm gonna pick up boys on the internet and lock them in the basement with each other. i'll be like go down here, and then door SLAM then i'll get diane lane to be the FBI agent who's trying to rescue them. urgghh i wish i was half as interesting in real life as i am in my deranged head.

BORING BLOG POST

2009-05-21T15:55:00.001-07:00

WOW I can't believe that Joel McHale is winning the sex wars!
This week has been busy, mostly I have been on the 393 bus backwards and forwards to Stoke Newington but I have found a house now and its soo goood, can't wait to move in to it. Money is tight, school is busy, body is failing. I've ran out of Lost to watch on DVD. SAD FACE. Better blog soon.

PS had a scary dream I was on the beach and had to kill zombies AND vampires, now my jaw hurts - do you think I was clenching my teeth?

dear lizzie

2009-05-18T08:52:00.001-07:00

dear lizzie,

i haven't heard from you in awhile. are we not going to blog together anymore??

love,
sophie

hi

2009-05-07T12:17:00.000-07:00

2009-05-07T08:56:00.001-07:00

i'm glad the toilet and i are friends again

hi

2009-05-04T16:42:00.000-07:00

one of the things i do feel anxious about is my mother. and i'd love to kill her very much, since i found out she is a lesbian. i first found out when she came to my garden shed to tell me the exciting news that she had been to a meeting and had met a big white swan. and the big white swan had floated across the room to her and now they are in love. so i told her i was delighted, but wasnt really delighted about her being a lesbian in the house espicially.

and the next day i was sent to meet her by the station. and i waited for two hours for the big white swan and the big white swan didnt ever arrive and it was snowing and my duffle coat wasnt that warm really.

so i went home and found the big white swan was already there. and she had gone to a different station and hadnt bothered to tell me. then she was sitting on the sofa and her fat was oozing all over the sofa and then off the sofa and all across the floor. and she didnt look like a swan to me. and she was guzzling cakes. and she looked revolting, and my mother was in love with this lump of lard. and i was appaled really. and id love them both to be dead very much, especially the big white swan, but my mother as well really. and i do know how to kill people, cause my mum told me. she said what you have to do is freeze some peas and then defreeze em and do it a few times and you make pea soup. and apparently when they die you cant tell whats killed em. so id like to try that one on, since i do most of the cooking anyway.

2009-05-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

my list of bangable LOST characters is as follows:

1) sayid
2) desmond
3) daniel
4) sawyer
5) charlie
6) jack
7) miles
8) boone
9) jin
10) frank
11) ben
12) richard alpert

god

2009-05-01T13:16:00.000-07:00

i leave tomorrow! right now i've got a sore throat and a bit of a chill. if i get seriously ill i'm going to be so crushed i have no idea what i'll do. probably cry uncontrollably like a little wussy

this is a weird blog

2009-05-01T02:59:00.000-07:00

Dustin Diamond's Childhood and Family Memories

i could just about kill myself

2009-04-30T07:20:00.000-07:00

i need a fucking chocolate ice cream pop.

something horrible happened last night and i HAVE NO IDEA what it was. i've come into work an hour and a half late. i brushed my teeth in the work-kitchen sink like a fucking horrible monster. why do i consistently black out? i was on a steady diet of whiskey and stella. now i'm drinking a huge iced water and i am honestly considering throwing myself into a huge incinerator. i don't know where any incinerators are located, so under a bus might have to suffice.

i think i drank the water too fast cos now i feel a little queasy. ok i went to the toilet but nothing happened i just kind of looked at myself in the mirror and said "what is wrong with you"

this is a love letter

2009-04-27T21:07:00.000-07:00

dear lizzie,

i will literally be seeing you in A FEW DAYS. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT. i have like 800x stories i've got to tell you. i'm not kidding. one will make you laugh so hard you'll cry and/or almost pee.

xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxo

what i think about when i think about men

2009-04-27T05:44:00.000-07:00

I'm playing The Sims and I have made all the men who hurt my feelings and put them all in a big house together and made them gay for each other, it's the only way I can think to get my own back. You can only have 8 sims per house so I couldn't do every boy who's made me cross so I just did like the last 8 men who were shitty. I used a cheat and made this massive house thats full of the heart-shaped vibrating beds and hot tubs and they all walk around in boxer shorts giving each other back rubs and flirting. Unfortunately a lot of the boys I hooked up with in the last year or so look basically the same so its hard to tell them apart. I thought it would make me feel better but then I started thinking that maybe they would all rather sleep with each other than me IRL anyway so that made me pretty depressed.

After that I made myself and put me in a house with Zach Condon, David Pajo, M Ward, Sondre Lerche, Devendra Banhart and Steve Bays (from Hot Hot Heat LOL) and they all love me and tolerate each other. Poor Steve Bays blew himself up trying to repair the dishwasher RIP. David Pajo is really dirty LOL he always washes himself in the sink with a sponge instead of taking an actual bath. Then I had a baby and it looked kind of half black, so I locked it in a room and let it die, I didn't want any of my songster boyfriends to get suspicious.

burned

2009-04-24T14:00:00.000-07:00

last night i leaned on a heat pipe and got a burn. it looks a bit like a disgusting birthmark. other than that things are going well i feel upbeat 85% of the time. the dog doesn't like me and i really miss yolis today.

it makes me feel all aflutter when someone says "i've been thinking about you". i need a drink

leprosy and syphillis

2009-04-24T02:02:00.000-07:00

I'm at school sitting in my web design class trying to work out how to put a dashed border around a floating animation of Benicio Del Toro. Last night I went to a Carribean restaurant and ate so so so much food and then I went to a bar and it was St Georges day and I got pretty drunk. Olivia told me that St George is also the patron saint of people with leprosy and syphillis which is pretty neat.
Sunday 3rd came up on the 10 day weather forecast today and it says

yayyy

eghdngsdgnsm,dg,smgn

2009-04-23T07:47:00.000-07:00

this shitty art i made accurately represents me and my mind at the moment:

last night in my dream i realized i was dreaming. kind of like a lucid dream. it was very strange i felt like a visitor in my subconscious, and all these weird things kept happening. there was a ram and a goat, a man in a bunny suit who was taking a dump on the side of the road, a table covered in red dust that i was wiping off with a paper towel, my dead grandmother (rip etc), and my ex best friend who was the one who helped me wake myself up (i was like "I KNOW I AM DREAMING, I NEED YOUR HELP"). WEIRD RIGHT? have you ever had a dream where you knew you were dreaming?

IN EIGHT DAYS I WILL BE IN LONDON!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GODDDD i can't even type out the way i feel. my insides are an explosion of glitter and JOY AND HORSES GJALKGDLAMAN,NDIJjlkrjlwklkjrt

docta docta

2009-04-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

hi i'm here to report that there has been an invasion: last night there was a huge centipede on the wall. and by huge i mean a thick, thumb sized bastard with the crazy legs all over the place. i couldn't kill it with anything i had lying around cause it was too high up so i sprayed it with some counter cleaner and it fell down where i could no longer see it. i couldn't locate it for the longest time, and i'd recruited the cat to assist, but he wasn't really interested. for awhile i assumed it was dead UNTIL FINALLY it ended up in my room racing across the floor cause i obviously have miserable luck. i tried stomping on it but the moment it saw me it shot away even faster. i grabbed the cat and he ended up eating it BUT THEN several minutes later TO MY SURPRISE there was ANOTHER ONE and i killed it with THE SOLE OF MY SHOE (do you like the caps i'm using here? i am a total novelist). here is photographic evidence of the murder:
gross, i know. i hope its family isn't plotting revenge somewhere under my bookcase. my biggest fear is for something worm sized to crawl into my ear and investigate my brain. STAY OUT OF MY SKULL

unrelated: i got to work incredibly early today. so early in fact that when i got here the gates where still down and i couldn't reach anyone inside to let me in. so i stood banging on the gated door for awhile looking like an incredibly crazed lunatic before i decided to let up for a moment and smoke a cig. UNFORCH FOR ME SOMEHOW ALL MY CIGS HAVE BEEN BROKEN IN HALF I THINK THIS IS CENTIPEDE SABOTAGE, REVENGE OF THE MULTILEGGED BEASTS so now i have no ciggies to keep me company, only the internet, which is lonesome when lizzie isn't on it with me

on a lighter, less dreadful note, i am meeting up with a BOY (man) later. i hope i do not look slobbish, horribleish, awkward-y, lunatic-y, or other words that are made up yet still apply to me. however as of right now, this is me, crushing the city WITH MY BARE HAND:
i do hope your day hasn't been filled with truama, dear reader.

Jeremy Boring

2009-04-20T13:42:00.000-07:00

JUST FOUND OUT THAT JEREMY DAVIES WHO PLAY DANIEL FARADAY IN LOST'S BIRTH NAME IS JEREMY BORING

WONDER WHY HE CHANGED IT

burned my tongue on a hot french fry

2009-04-19T13:10:00.000-07:00

yesterday/last night was really fun. i got a pair of really hilarious boots with skull buckles. they are so funny! i also got a very cool 60's paisley cape type thing. very wicked. here are some photos from the day:

lol potato magazine.

this crazy guy came over to us and was like, "is she hookin? oh, tell me she ain't hookin."

THERE WERE SO MANY ANTS ON THE GROUND i was so grossed out

awesome wine bottles

lookin fuxxxxed up

during the evening we met 7 creepy french guys. we went with them to this place on avenue c. they were totally obsessed with jennifer. i was like the big fun girl in the heathers. we ended up safely hanging out with my friend aaron, who is such a dreamboat. if only i were a supermodel :( i got ice cream and m&ms today, so delicious. i had chicken and broccoli and carrots for dinner. REALLY YUMMY